NNEW BOOK, TALES FROM A DIRT ROAD...COMING SOON!!!!

My first book...The World According to Dutch can still be obtained by clicking on the photo on the right.  Autograped copies, however, can only be purchased via PayPal by emailing us at:
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OFFICIAL ANNOUNCEMENT: 

TALES FROM A DIRT ROAD

coming SOON!!! 
expected release date December 2010!!!  

dirtydutchmantell@gmail.com

Be the first to get your customized, autographed copy of

TALES FROM A DIRT ROAD  

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Special Collector Editions are being offered!!! 

Offer valid through November 30th, 2010. 

TALES FROM A DIRT ROAD...

BY "DIRTY' DUTCH MANTELL

 taken from the internal Hard Drive of the Man They Still Call Dirty

First off, let me apologize for not posting to my blog more often but as you can tell from the headline, my new book, TALES FROM A DIRT ROAD, is coming out shortly. I want to thank everybody who purchased my first book for making it such a huge success. I didn't sell a million books like Stephen King or John Grisham but I can say that it was far more successful than I ever dreamed possible.

TALES FROM A DIRT ROAD...can be described much like my first book, a compilation of wrestling tales and stories from a road that only I traveled. The stories are taken directly from the internal hard drive of my memory or at least the memory that is still left from taking shots to the head for 30 years and related in a way that I hope everybody will enjoy.

TALES FROM A DIRT ROAD is not an autobiography because but it is as the title suggests...a documentation of the events and conversations that I have accumulated through a lifetime of traveling through the major cities of the world with a crazy ass bunch of professional wrestlers.  I relate behind the scenes stories that have up to now, never been told.  There's no rhyme or reason to the sequencing of the book.  I'm just talking and bulls****ing my way through in much the same way as I talk.  Just imagine yourself traveling down a long interstate highway with me in the car while I tell these wild and sometimes poignant stories that you've, most likely, never heard before. Enjoy.

On a personal note, since TALES FROM A DIRT ROAD is nearing completion, I want to thank the thousands of people who have emailed me about writing my second book.  I've shipped my first book all over the United States,  England,  Ireland,  Denmark,  Germany, Canada, Mexico, Australia and South Africa.   Up until last year,  I had never written much more than an email and becoming a published author was a completely new experience for me.   In TALES FROM A DIRT ROAD,   I have written what my instincts have told me that readers and fans want to hear.  All of the stories in my new book are true with a lot of literary license taken to make the stories more interesting.  Don't confuse that with lying because my lying book isn't coming out until next year.   Dates and times may be somewhat distorted but what the hell.  Its a story and as I've always said,  never let facts and stuff get in the way of good story telling.  Even the Mayan calendar in now saying the end of the world  could be 50 to a 100 years off...so if the Mayans can't get it right after 2.000 years, don't expect me to.

Simply put,  its as the description above says, a compilation of tales and stories accumulated through a lifetime of traveling all over the world with a crazy bunch of pro wrestlers.  You know, traveling the world with a bunch of missionaries isn't nearly as much fun as traveling with wrestlers but probably a lot safer. 

dirtydutchmantell@gmail.com

Pre-ORDER YOUR COPY OF

TALES FROM A DIRT ROAD

TODAY:

You can be the first to have your copy of TALES FROM A DIRT road before everybody else has theirs.  Just like I did last year,  we are offering a SPECIAL COLLECTOR EDITION of the book which entitles you to FIRST DELIVERY OF THE BOOK complete with a personally customized autograph included.  This special offer will only be available on the blog for a limited time and will only be made available on this blog. 

This offer is valid through November 30th, 2010.  All orders must be confirmed and payment received by that time.  We are accepting pre-order payments NOW!!! 

This SPECIAL COLLECTOR EDITION will be limited to the first 250 copies and will include the following payable by PayPal and Money Order only:

1. A personally autographed copy of TALES FROM A DIRT ROAD, signed and dated by Dirty Dutch Mantell. Your copy will be signed and customized as per your instructions.



2. A SPECIAL COLLECTOR UNIVERSITY OF DUTCH  COMMEMORATIVE CAP and last...



First time the Special University of Dutch
cap has been offered. 



3. A commemorative 8X10 photo of the Dutchman which will also be personally signed per your specific request.

THE PRICE ON THE SPECIAL COLLECTOR EDITION WILL BE 54.95 payable via PayPal or Money Order with shipping/handling fees included.  This order only good for shipments within the US.  For international order,  international postage rates will apply.  Sorry folks,  I don't establish the postage fees.   Sorry no credit cards or personal checks accepted.  If you're interested in this offer, please email us at:

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If you're interested in just ordering the autographed book,  we also are offering that option as well.   For just $40, you can get your own personalized copy of the book with shipping/handling fees included by emailing us at:  

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for more details.

1.  TRAVELING WITH BORDERLINE MENTAL PATIENTS...OR my beautiful time spent with traveling companions,  Sid Vicious and the Iron Sheik as we travel middle America, like lost homeless bastards but with cars,  for a never ending 30 day loop when we all were in WCW.  Note...the story ends up in an after hours bar in Knoxville, TN. at 3AM in the morning...wild story and we were lucky not to have gotten shot.  Seriously. 

2.   MADISON SQUARE GARDEN SHOWDOWN...this is a story about an incident that got largely unreported at the time by all the wrestling sheets but it concerns a confrontation between the guys that I managed there,  Ron and Don Harris, and the leader of the Kliq, Shawn Michaels when they confronted backstage at the most famous arena in the World,  Madison Square Garden.   This did not happen inside the wrestling ring...it was in the main dressing room of the Garden.  If anybody wondered why the Blu Brothers had such a short run in the WWF, this is your answer. 

3.  VINCE RUSSO BEHIND THE SCENES...here is an in depth look at a polarizing figure in the world of pro wrestling.  This is the first time I've publicly spoken about Russo.  In this chapter,  you'll find out what he was like from a personal and professional viewpoint.  I first met Vince 16 years ago...when he was writing a column for the WWF magazine and since that time, he has been at the core of controversy.  Actually, to hears some tell it, he is the controversy.   This chapter is a look at him with the blinders off and one that only a handful of people have really seen.   A highly recommended chapter in the book.  

4.  A WILD NIGHT IN MEXICO CITY...in this chapter,  I describe my first introduction to Mexico and to Mexican wrestling.  I found out that riling up fans with just an interview by pushing the right buttons works in Spanish too and I wasn't even in the match.  Good story along with the best of some of my political thoughts. 

5.  WRESTLING IN 105 DEGREE TEMPERATURES...this is a story that I lifted off my blog that I had written a year ago or so but it was so defined and humorous that I had to include it in the book.  It's a story of my rookie year in the business and how I had to find a way to navigate the political minefields of the business while at the same time, keeping a check coming in.  Funny story. 

6.  JOHN BRADSHAW LAYFIELD...INSANE OR GENIUS?   After the Blu Brothers fiasco in the WWF,  the second man I managed was Bradshaw and still today,  I wonder if insanity can go unnoticed for years?  With Bradshaw,  its a tossup.  Great chapter with some funny moments especially when we ended up in Canada in Vancouver.  John should have been arrested and I should have been too....for being stupid enough to be with him.  

7.  WRESTLEMANIA 11...my first and only WrestleMania but I document a HUGE WEEKEND in where Lawrence Taylor wrestled BamBam Bigelow and all the happenings backstage and leading up to this event.  WRESTLEMANIA today is a part of Americana and for me to have appeared on it...was one of the biggest thrills I've ever had in the wrestling business.  

8.  A FIGHT YOU NEVER HEARD ABOUT...a story about a wild night in Tampa during the glory of original Florida Championship Wrestling in which Jack and Jerry Brisco wanted to have a word of prayer with Ernie 'the Cat' Ladd at 2AM in the morning in a parking lot.  This was  more than just a meeting,  it turned into a fight. Usually, most meeting wait until the next day to happen but not this one.  Needless to say,  the prayer session went south but who did it go south for?   Read the book.

9.  CREATIVE MEETINGS...WTF really goes on behind the closed doors of a creative meeting?  How are decisions made...and who makes those decisions?  I've sat in on hundreds of creative meetings in Memphis,  Mid-South, Florida,  Puerto Rico,  WCW,  TNA and once in WWF and believe me...they're all the same.  I blow the lid off whatever vision people have had about the creative efforts behind the scenes.  It's a lot like government...except less productive..only the names have been changed to protect the guilty. 

10.  THE EDDIE GRAHAM STORY...this is a story circa mid 80's,  Tampa, Florida.  If you don't know who Eddie Graham was,  then let me enlighten you.  Eddie Graham was at one time one of the most respected wrestler and promoter in the wrestling world or he was in the United States.  He committed suicide in 1985 while I was booking Florida.  Here is my take on what happened and what led up to the tragedy.  

11. CONCUSSIONS?  IS THAT WHEN YOU LOSE

CONSCIOUSNESS?  Concussions, back when I wrestled, were not taken as seriously as they are today.  This is a true story of a time when I got knocked out...but the real story was a mini-dream I had while unconscious.  When I've told this story before,  I get the old 'eye roll' and 'sure, we believe you' look.  Bastards. 



12. THE ORIGIN OF WRESTLER COURT.  I OBJECT YOUR HONOR.  If you've never heard of Wrestler Court, you will after reading this chapter.  A short chapter on where it came from and by who and who were its earliest victims.  Can you say Undertaker and John Bradshaw.

13.  MEETING THE KU KLUX KLAN FACE TO FACE...at a wrestling show.   True story.  The last people I thought I'd meet at a wrestling show was the KKK but somehow,  I managed to do it.   Good chapter. 

14.  MEETING A YOUNG SCOTT HALL FOR THE FIRST TIME.   There's a thousand stories about Scott...this is but one of them.   When veteran wrestlers work with young rookies, especially one as big and jacked as Scott was when he started,  it tends to make them nervous.  People forget sometimes just how big Scott Hall was at one time.  Refer to the photo.  Interesting TALE FROM A DIRT ROAD. 

Plus many more...

DISCLAIMER:   As you've just read above,  some of the chapters in this book aren't all funny.  Unlike my last book,  some of the stories I will include in the TALES FROM THE DIRT ROAD are not all funny nor humorous.  Wrestlers are real people with real life problems and with all problems,  they have to deal with them.   I have been on the edges of some of these stories and hopefully,  through this book,  you will see how tough life can be behind the spotlights of this wild and crazy business.   There are a few serious stories in my book which underscore the lives behind the people I write about.  Trust me...all these stories are TRUE and REAL...even the ones I make up. 

You can leave comments below on the blog or you can contact me at :

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Part 3...I SURVIVED THE GATHERING

To order my book,  The World According to Dutch...click on the photo at the right for details.   If you want an personally autographed copy,  we have them still available with FREE SHIPPING AND HANDLING included by

emailing

dirtydutchmantell@gmail.com 

for details.  

Stay tuned...for my second book...The World According to Dutch Volume 2...or better known as

Dirty Dutch's Little Handbook for Wrestling Junkies...

coming out shortly.   All the things I left out of the first book...are included in this one.   Enjoy the blog.  

I SURVIVED THE GATHERING..PART 3

(hey guys while we're here, lets use this opportunity as a teachable moment as President Obama would say...so lets learn a little Spanish,  shall we,  for all my Spanish amigos..of which I have two.  

Yo sobreviví a la GATHERING...Segmento tres...cabron!!!  GRACIAS A DIOS!!!

translated means...I survived the GATHERING...part three...@#$%&*^!!!  Thank God!!! 

Below...excerpted from last blog...

Yeah, this day had been one of the most interesting of my life up to his point...but I don't know whether I was at a music/wrestling show or watching a rerun of Law and Order but what lay ahead scared the crap out of me. I still had to enter the gates of THE GATHERING and what lay ahead I had no idea but we already had reports of a singer attacked by the crowd, a stabbing and now, a strong arm robbery. But nobody said this was a church outing or a Boy Scout Jamboree. This was pure JuggaloVille and the night was just beginning. I still had a match to get to and I had no idea how that would turn out. One thing though....I had come a long way from Madison Square Garden and the Memphis Mid South Coliseum to a wild and crazy underground music festival in Cave In Rock, Illinois but to tell the truth, this was a helluva lot more exciting. I'll give it to the Juggalos..they damn sure ain't boring. As I looked at what was in front of me, a wild scene straight out of Halloween, Texas Chain Saw Massacre and Friday the 13th, I knew that this night wasn't over and I still had to make it til daylight. The surprises weren't over yet.

Before I get started,  thank to all of you who tried to speed the conclusion of this blog along including Corporal Robinson who was the booker for this BloodyMania show.   I know the blog is a bit late...but I have a reason.  I came down with some sort of late summer virus...that laid me up for several days.  I'm over it now and ready to go.  Yeah, I know..its an excuse but I had to have something. 

So as you've read above,  I made it all the way to the famous Gathering...in some God Forsaken corn field in Illinois...which turned out to be directly due south of nowhere and two left turns from Hell.   I had heard about this Gathering event for years and how wrestling was such a big part of it.   The rumors always were bigger than life.   I had always heard that working the GATHERING was akin to walking out amongst a bunch of Islamic fundamentalists who were intent on stoning you to death.  

So, years later,  here I am.  I find myself at this famed event which had been staged for the past 10 years and for the most part,  unheard of by MAINSTREAM America.  When an event is billed as an underground music festival,  you can be pretty well guaranteed that most Americans have never heard of it...except the ones that the ICP target...their fans...the Juggalos.   But that is the way it's designed.  I guess.

After being lost for most of the night,   and after leaving Cave in Rock, Illinois,  which I might add is not the tourist capital of the Midwest,  I found myself right smack in the middle of 25 some odd thousand Juggaloes.   After we entered the gates of the GATHERING property,  the limo drove about 5 miles an hour past literally hundreds of tents to get to where the BloodyMania wrestling outdoor stage was.  Let  me set the scene for you one more time.  Actually, let me tell you what I was feeling. 

This was all new to me.  If you've ever played football...and felt butterflies in your stomach before the first play,  I felt that way.  If you've ever had that first job interview and felt nervous,  I had that feeling.   If you've ever robbed a convenience store,  stole a car,  took a hostage,  led the police on a high speed chase through a city while you were on probation and had a kilo of coke in your back seat....well you know the feeling.  Damn, you can't help but feel a bit jumpy.  I kinda felt that way too. 

After 30 some odd years in the wrestling profession,  I can truthfully say that I was nervous as a whore in church.  Truthfully,  I can't say I've ever really asked a lady of ill repute how she felt in church but that's what I've been told.   That might be next on my list of THINGS TO DO LATER. 

AM I GOING TO MAKE IT OUT OF HERE IN ONE PIECE?

So let me say it now.  I didn't know what to expect.  Was this the den of inequity that I had heard so much about?  Would I even make it out of here in one piece?  What if the Juggs hated me as much as Tila Tequila?   Hell,  at least Tila flashed her breasts at them in an attempt to quieten them down.   I wouldn't even be able to do that.    

ABOVE:  Tila Tequila,  after her performance at the Gathering which apparently didn't meet with the Juggalo Seal of Approval. 

Seriously,  I  half expected to enter this Sodom and Gomorrah to see people chasing each other with hatchets and slingblades,  people bleeding all over the place and to actually witness people hanging from ropes or burning at the stake.   So to say I entered into all this with PREJUDICE,  I will readily admit I did.  And I don't think I'm all that different from millions of other people who would possible feel the same way.   I will admit to having prejudged the Juggaloes because prejudge is the root word of prejudice.

Hell, I'd never met a Juggalo before other than Violent J and Shaggy 2 Dope themselves and they were great guys...but their fans scared the living crap out of me.  Since I had never really met a Juggalo before...other than ICP themselves,  I didn't know what they were about.  But after hearing so much about how crazy these Juggs are and how wild they were,  as we got closer in to the stage,   the feeling of uneasiness started to subside.   I know it was the fear of the unknown but whatever I was feeling on the way in, was now giving way to enjoying the adventure.  As we passed hundreds of little Juggaloes and topless Juggalettes,  I didn't see anybody bleeding nor anybody being chased with sharp instruments.  That made me feel a little better.  

It took us 10 minutes from weaving our way through makeshift pathways and through literally thousands of Juggalo fans who peered into our limo as we slowly rolled by but by now the activity was Buzzing.  These Juggaloes were out in FULL FORCE.  This was their Woodstock..this was their WrestleMania, Fourth of July, Christmas and New Years Day all rolled into one.   To an outsider like me,  it looked scary but to them,  it was one big hellacious party. 

Finally,  after something like 5 hours on the road,  with 4 of them being lost,  I saw the outside arena where the wrestling was being held.  By this time, it was 1:30AM in the morning...as the limo pulled up to a stop right behind the big concert stage that served as the entrance way to the ring.  Now I could get out and see what all this hubbub was about and out I went.   There were steps leading up to the concert stage...so I bounded out of the limo (well I didn't exactly bound out..I more or less creeped out) and up the steps I went.  I walked out on the stage where the sound and lighting technicians were gathered and looked out upon the crowd.

The arena was FULL!!!!   Packed.   Jammed.  I estimated the crowd at maybe 3.500 fans...maybe more, maybe less but considering it was 1:30AM in the morning,  seeing the arena full was a total surprise.  Since there were no chairs, people were standing shoulder to shoulder outside the barricades of the ring.  There was a match going on and I heard the crowd respond to one of the moves.  I thought to myself... hey,  this is not what I've heard about this bunch of wild ass heathens?   I'd heard they were wild, nihilistic bastards who just want to party and cause damage, throw rocks and just basically be destructive.   There were no things flying into the ring...there were no rocks, no half filled water bottles.   They were doing what wrestling fans should be doing when they were seeing a great performance.  Enjoying the show.  

The wrestlers had an area or a huge tent set up behind the stage which was being used as the dressing area for everybody.  When I walked into the tent...at probably 2AM,  I saw what might best be described as a living Hall of Fame display.   I said this was surreal, didn't I?  In a lot of ways,  this was almost like I was having a dream.  To be at an outside wrestling event at 2AM in the morning with people with painted faces,  driving up in a limo, dressing in a tent and seeing people I haven't seen in 20 years...if that's not a dream,  I don't know what is.  

Inside the tent,   let me run down the Hall of Fame list. 

PHOTO TO THE RIGHT:  ONE OF MY

EARLY HEROES...TERRY FUNK WHO

GRACIOUSLY ALLOWED ME TO

TAKE HIS PHOTO INSIDE THE

WRESTLER'S TENT

Terry Funk

"HackSaw' Jim Duggan

"Hands of Stone"  Ronnie Garvin
Booker T

The Ugandan Giant, Kamala

Buck Robley

Sid Vicious
Sabu
Balls Mahoney
Raven
Booker T
Tracy Smothers
Bull Pain
Brian Christopher
PG 13
Ian Rotten
Colt Cabana

All in all..over the period of the 4 DAY GATHERING,  ICP and Corporal Robinson had booked 95 wrestlers which I would think is a record of sorts.  Hell, if its not,  I don't know what is.   I've never been on a show with that number of performers before and I probably never will again.  But what will ICP come up with next year?   If they do anything close to what they did this year,  I would suggest they call the Guiness Book of World Records so they could document the event for posterity. 

 Then I saw something,  I never thought I'd see.

FACE TO FACE WITH A 7 FOOT TALL AMAZON!!!

WHERE IN THE HELL DID THIS GIRL COME FROM???

As I walked into the tent saying hello to all the guys I hadn't seen in years,  I came face to face with one of the largest HUMANS I've ever seen in my life.  Big doesn't describe this FEMALE.  She is HUGE.  I've met Andre and she is almost as big as he was.  I've also been around Ernie the Cat Ladd and she's bigger than what I remember him being.   This woman has to be the 2nd largest HUMAN BEING I've ever met. 

ABOVE:  To give you an indication of how big Isis is,  here she is pictured with Sabu. 

Her name was Isis the Amazon.  Quite naturally,  I started talking to her.  She was very friendly, down to earth and easy to talk to.   Her real name was Lindsay.  I found out a few things about her.  She played college basketball at the University of Virginia and had trained for wrestling in South Florida.   When I worked in TNA,  I had heard about a 7' foot woman training down around Miami and wanted to take a look at her but never got the chance.   At the GATHERING,  I made it a point to watch her match that night against Mickey Knuckles.  It takes a lot to impress me...but this girl IMPRESSED me.

PHOTO TO THE RIGHT:  Isis the Amazon and Wild Eyed Southern Boy,  Tracy Smothers following her match at the GATHERING.  Tracy is 6'1 and Isis towers over him.  She is one HUGE WOMAN.  

Her in ring work was smooth and precise and not at all like you would imagine a person, so big,  would be.  I expected clumsiness but she was very well coordinated.  I have to give credit to the ICP guys because they got her on the radar a lot quicker than WWE. 
Before I wrote this blog,  I contacted Isis and asked her for some confirmation of a few things so that I could accurately write about her here.  She politely declined to do any type of interview with me by replying that she could not conduct any interviews at this time.  WTF?  Hell,  I didn't want to conduct a criminal deposition with her but I figured it out all later when I read that she had signed a developmental contract with WWE.   They had told her not to do any interviews.  Now,  I understood why she couldn't do any.  Her new identity and name is Aloisia  and I congratulate her and wish her all the best. 

MY PREDICTION:  If WWE handles this AMAZON  correctly,  they will have a SUPERSTAR on their hands.  She will be an ATTRACTION much along the lines of Andre the Giant and she has all the tools to be super successful.  

THE DOPE BRIDGE ???

REAL OR FICTION???

Isn't that a picturesque view of a nice bridge?  

After I talked with the Amazon....I just sat around inside the tent with all the guys.  I saw HUGE bonfires in the distance...a lot of woop, woops coming from afar.   Then Jamie Dundee came into the tent and as I sat there talking to him,  I kept hearing the words DOPE BRIDGE.  I had never heard that phrase before.  DOPE BRIDGE?  WTF was that I thought?  Then somebody told me what it was. 

From what I heard,  there was a short wooden bridge on the property that spanned a small creek.  It was about 50 to 60 feet long and wide enough to drive a car over it but mostly it was used as a pedestrian crossing.  On this bridge,  according to the talk that I heard,  there were people who openly advertised illegal drugs with signs hanging around their necks.   Supposedly,  the signs read marijuana,  pain pills,  heroin,  coke,  aspirin,  Advil,  hemorrhoid medication...no they didn't have any hemorrhoid medication.  I think they must have run out of that early.    

If anybody wanted anything,  all they had to do was to meet on the bridge and they could find out where to go to get it.   Officially,   I have NOW SEEN AND DONE IT ALL.

When I first heard about the DOPE BRIDGE,  I thought Bullshit.   On a personal note,  let me say this.  All I did was hear about it.  I didn't see it nor did I visit the bridge.  Hell, I was feeling pretty lucky at this point to have made it as far as I did so I was not going to personally check out a bridge at 3AM in the morning.  I'll take your word for it, guys.   I cannot say with any certainty that it was real.    But I was told it was by several people.  But hey,  wrestlers have been known to embellish a story.  But hell, even if its not real...its one hell of a conversation point, isn't it???   

Wow.  What a night and it still wasn't over. 

Flashlight Wrestling??? 

After I saw and talked to the Amazon girl, it was 3AM.   The next show was to be at 4AM...and it was to be called Flashlight Wrestling.  I've never heard of a 4AM match before. Never. Hell, I'm not even in the bed at 4AM most days. But I was going to actually wrestle in a match where the arena is dark and the only light I would have would be supplied by fans with flashlights.   

Flashlight Wrestling started at 4:30AM.   So far,  this had been a 23 hour day for me.  I thought I should be tired but the adrenalin had been pumping for most of the day.  I was in the second match so I stood backstage and watched the first match which was the Hands of Stone,  Ronnie Garvin and Hacksaw Jim Duggan vs. Ian Rotten and a partner that I cannot remember now.  But what surprised me was I couldn't believe how many people were there.  

My match started at straight up 5AM and when they played my music as I walked down the ramp headed to the ring,  there were about 700/800 Juggaloes in attendance.   I knew this was a 24 hour festival but to have 700 people show up...at 5 in the morning...I was STUNNED.   I've been on literally hundreds and hundreds of shows which didn't have anywhere close to that attendance...and at 8PM at night.

I set two records that night.  Since the match started at 5AM...it was the earliest I had ever wrestled and the latest.  Take your pick. 

I went to the ring and the arena was lit very well but as soon as the bell rang,  the ring went completely dark and the only light we had was supplied by the Juggaloes with flashlights.   Well,  if the Juggs were going to throw anything,  this was the time to do it.  I waited...nothing.  No rocks, no bottles,  no chairs, fetuses,  old copies of Wrestling Observer Newsletters...kitchen sinks.  

Nothing was thrown and I was surprised that the Juggs were so respectful to me.  After hearing so much about the Juggaloes and for them to be so respectful of the wrestlers was surprising to me.  I've wrestled in what they call 'dark matches'  before but never in a real dark match in the actual dark.  Seriously,  this whole 24 hour period had been an experience and it was one day of my life that I will never forget but I had accomplished what I set out to do...and that was to leave the GATHERING alive.  Its always been one of my priorities to live through the day so I could wake up the next one.  

  I HAD SURVIVED THE GATHERING!!! 

After my match,   I entered the tent,  grabbed my bag and said my goodbyes to the guys who were still there.  I threw my stuff into the limo...and off we went back through the hundreds of tents and hundreds of little Juggaloes that were just getting up to meet another wonderful day in JuggaloVille.  As we rolled out of this makeshift city,  the SUN was just popping its head over the horizon.

I can say that the day had been one of the most memorable of my entire wrestling career and I am glad I was invited.   If I'm invited back,  I would go again. 

YALL COME BACK NOW...YE HEAR!!!!

Even though I entered with a lot of dread and fear mixed with a preconceived notion of what I thought the Juggaloes or the ICP Nation were,  I left with an entirely different view of them.   In the world of pro wrestling,  its a world apart from what ordinary people see and even though I've been most everywhere,  THE GATHERING is a World apart from what I've ever seen.  I had never seen an event like the Gathering.   But...in the end,  the Juggs were very courteous to me were the  total the opposites of what I had heard they were.  Or hey...I'm Dirty Dutch.  Maybe the Juggs were 'scared' of me?   Who knows?

Hats off to Violent J, Shaggy 2 Dope and Corporal Robinson for pulling off such a huge event and a successful event as well.   Thanks guys...lets do it again next year. 

I'm not a Juggalo...but I feel as though I'm an honorary one.  

Woop, woop!!!!

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HOW I SURVIVED THE GATHERING..PART 2

THE WORLD ACCORDING TO DUTCH

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NOW PART TWO OF THE BLOG...

HOW I SURVIVED ONE FLEW OVER THE CUCKOO'S NEST...OR...

MY WONDERFUL TIME AT AN OUTSIDE MENTAL HOSPITAL!! 

THE GATHERING OF THE JUGGALOS

2010  

PART DOS...

which is Spanish for Two!!!   ¿Comprendez cabron? 

Time for an update on my activities last weekend at the 11th Annual Gathering of the Juggalos Festival in Cave in Rock, Illinois.  In my last blog,  I mentioned I had a lot to write about.  I do.  The Tila Tequila incident is not being forgotten...and apparently little Tila is surging ahead with a lawsuit against the promoters of Gathering of the Juggaloes stemming from her encounter with some 'nasty' Juggaloes  last weekend.    The purpose of this blog today is to give you a feel how it felt, not only backstage with the other wrestlers, but the general mood of being right in the middle of 20 some odd thousand people who follow two guys,  the Insane Clown Posse, all over the country whenever they perform a show.   Whether you're a fan of the ICP or not,  one thing you will have to admit is that they've tapped into a very loyal fan base and a fan base that pro wrestling should be studying.   The closest thing that I've ever seen in the pro wrestling business that even comes close to the loyalty of the ICP fan...was the loyalty that the old ECW fans displayed back in the old bingo hall days. 

In case you missed my earlier blog...what is a Juggalo?  Hell, if I know, but I know one when I see one.  I can't even explain it in words that would get you to understand it. So, in lieu of words, click on this video of comedian Tom Green, who documents his one night stand with the Jugs. The video opens with Tom sitting with Tila Tequila at an airport gate talking about the upcoming Gathering on the Juggalos. Watch it and then come back here..for the rest of this blog.

I've heard so much about the ICP Gathering. I've heard it was dangerous, weird, surreal, loud and the damnest thing I would ever see. I can attest to all of that but I want to add one thing. Even with all those elements in play, for me, and I'm just speaking for myself, I enjoyed my stay more at the Gathering than I enjoyed myself at Wrestlemania, at Starrcade, at any TNA PPV that I've ever done and any show I ever booked in Puerto Rico. I had a blast and one reason is that when you see a Juggalo...you get what you see.  They're some real people....albeit a little over the top.  To me, it was the most fun that I've had in the wrestling business in the last 15 years.   So with that said...on with the blog.

Let me talk about how I even got booked on the show first.   My phone rang about three weeks prior to the event when a representative of the ICP Gathering,  called me and wanted to book me for a couple of shows.  I was  already booked on other shows but even if I hadn't been booked,  I had heard so much about the Wrestling Shows there...that I had absolutely no interest in going.  If you watched the video clip above...when the Juggalos threw at Tila Tequila...at least she was facing them.  In a wrestling ring,  wrestlers don't have that luxury.  The fans would be throwing from all 4 sides at once and more or less reenacting a Biblical stoning scene.  So for that reason alone, my interest dwindled.

But two days later, I got another call from Corporal Robinson,  a wrestler who helps book ICP their wrestling events and who I've known for several years.  The good Corporal said that they had an great interest in booking me for the Legends part of the Juggalo wrestling event at the Gathering.   I like Corporal and he has always been straight up with me but I told him that I had always heard that the Juggs are notorious for beating the crap out of wrestlers during their events.  Of course,  this was weeks before the event and now after you've witnessed,   the Tila Tequila incident,  you have some indication of what I had been hearing and what I was trying to avoid.   I had no desire to get the dog crap beat out of me by a wild mob of  people for no apparent reason...other than I was a 'human target'.   But he promised that the problem had been taken care of and that there would be no rowdy behavior this year.   I thought,  how do you get Juggalos to just stop their medieval behavior?  Just ask them?   I was hesitant but he promised that I would have no trouble at all.  I even made him 'pinky promise'.   He did.   So I agreed to go. 

Corporal then laid out what and when I would be going into the ring.  I have never heard this in my entire wrestling career.  I wasn't given a match number,  I was given a time and that time was...4AM.  Let me repeat that.  4AM???  WTH?    I couldn't believe what I had just heard.  I was scheduled to go into a wrestling ring during an event called Flashlight Wrestling, of which I had also never heard of,  but that was to be my participation in the Legends part. I don't want to get ahead of my story but I ended up doing exactly like it was laid out...and I set two personal records at one time.  I set a record for earliest and latest match in my career.  Actually, my match officially began at 5AM on Sunday morning,  August 15th, 2010 for those keeping score and for the always vigilant and correct Wikipedia historians. 

DID HANK REALLY DO IT THIS WAY???

I remember a song by Hank Williams Jr.  who more or less sung the anthem of wrestlers years ago...when he commented on making show after show after show trying to make it in the country music business.   The answer is..YES.  This was exactly how he did it.  That's what what brought back the old memories...traveling all night to get to this town.  

Now lets get to the actual 'finding of this place."   I think I could have found Jimmy Hoffa quicker.   I knew it was in Illinois...close to a town called Cave in Rock which was only about 80 miles from Evansville.  When I used to work out of Memphis,  we wrestled in Evansville every Wednesday night back in the day.  So 80 miles was nothing.  I thought.  The plan was for me to drive to Evansville and meet up with Doug Gilbert and Road Dog Jesse James, who were working another show in Evansville that night.  After their show, we would all meet and travel together to the Gathering show.  So the plan looked good from the beginning. 

Doug had arranged a limo service to take us First Class to the Show and we left Evansville at 9:30PM on Saturday night in plenty of time to make the show since none of us weren't supposed to work until 4AM.  When I got into the limo,  I asked the driver what time did he expect to arrive at the Gathering and he told me around 11:30PM.  That was our first ETA time.  That was what he said.  That wasn't what ended up happening. 

Actual shot taken of my "OFFICIAL" limo, August 14th, 2010 as we left around 8PM for the 'short' 80 mile trip to the Gathering from Evansville, Indiana.  

So we started driving.  The 1st indication that we were leaving civilization was my cell phone dropped its signal about 30 minutes outside Evansville.  As I looked outside,  I could see nothing but pitch darkness.  No street lights,  no cars coming in the opposite direction, nothing.  But at least,  we were on a nice two lane paved highway.  Then about 45 minutes into the drive,  the driver, who wore sunglasses the entire trip. for no apparent reason other than to appear cook,  turned south onto a secondary road. 

This secondary road would be more described as a driveway...it was a narrow two lane highway with barely enough room for two cars to fit on it.  It was dark because we were in total farmland.  No street lights, no red lights, no town or even communities to go through.  This is there the Odyssey began.  Forget GPS because nobody in the car had any InterNet connection at all.  But I thought the driver knew where he was going.  I found out that the driver wasn't really a 'real' driver at all.  He turned out to be a furniture salesman who just agreed to drive this limo for the night.  The limo wasn't even from a limousine service.  It was a limo that some guy has just bought years earlier and had been sitting in his garage for years until Doug told him we were going to this show and he offered to let us use it.  This was the start of the nightmare. 

So we started driving...and I started wondering why the Clowns would pick such an out of the way place to hold their annual Gathering.  Later on,  I found out.  This place was handpicked for several reasons...the most primary reason is that its remote and hard to get to.   If its hard to get to,  its hard to police and that would mean the the Juggaloes could have their wild ass party with a minimum of police intervention.  Perfect.

Since we had no directional instructions..no GPS nor did anybody in the car possess the common sense to spend $3.99 on a Rand-Mcnally Road Map, sure enough,  we were LOST.   Big time lost.  There's wasn't anything out there.  No cars moving around,  no place to stop and ask and not any houses to speak of and the ones we did see,  there was nobody brave enough to go up and knock on the door.   The Texas ChainSaw Massacre movies kept popping in my head. After 20 or 30 minutes to driving just to find anything that would give us an indication of where we were,  we finally saw a sign that said ,  Cave In Rock, Illinois.  Wow..finally.  We all breathed a sigh of relief as we slowly drove into this dark little Illinois town at about 12 midnight.  It was late but finally we were at the place we needed to be. 

We drove up over a little hill and we stopped dead in the road.  We stopped..because the road stopped.   BAM!!!   We completely dead ended into  a big river and we could go no further.  We stopped and got out....and there was complete silence.  It was hot and humid...and there were no lights from the houses, no lights from the little storefront business and absolutely no traffic moving around.  Nothing.   The town literally looked like a ghost town and no movie producer or Hollywood set designer could have produced it better.  At the left of the road when it ended,  was a small playground complete with swings, slides and a see saw set.   But no signs of life.   There was a 50 gallon trash can attached to a short post and when I looked into the can,  there was no trash.   Nothing.  Funny, the things you think when you're way out in the country and LOST. 

We all got out...and I asked the driver...who still had his sunglasses on where were we?  His reply was,  "I don't know."   Well, if he didn't know then none  of us knew.   It was already 12midnight and he had predicted we would be at the show at 11:30PM and we were already 30 minutes behind schedule and LOST.  

The driver looked like the dead guy from Weekend at Bernie's except he could walk on his own but Bernie could probably read a map as well as this guy could.   As I looked around at this straight out of a horror movie scene,  I fully expected Michael Myers to come running out between one of those darkened houses with an axe and kill us all.  This NIGHT OF THE JUGGALOS might not have been such a good idea I surmised.

We got back in the limo and starting driving some more.  I told the driver...if you see a sign that says Evansville,   take it and I'll go back home.   The driver kept asking us if we were going the right way...and we told him...that we were on our first trip too.  What if you were flying on a plane and suddenly the pilot came down the aisle and asked the passengers,  "hey are we headed in the right direction?".   I would say that would panic most passengers.  At  one point,  I almost volunteered to take over the driving chores and I hate to drive.  But there's only one thing I have more than driving and thats driving LOST.  

As we rolled down the two lane blacktopped road with it getting later and later..it was 12:30AM by this time,  we saw a trailer off the the left and got a glimpse of a couple of guys standing in the driveway.  Usually,  we would nver pull in someone's driveway late at night but we had no choice really.   As we pulled in,  the guys in the driveway...I call it a driveway but it was more like a car path just in front of the trailer...we asked them where the F was this Juggalo thing going on.   I could tell that this limo pulling into the trailers' driveway completely caught these guys off guard.  They took their time walking up to the limo and as they got closer,   they looked at us like the hillbillies looked at Burt Reynolds and his crew in Deliverance.  they finally gave us some general directions and I was glad that one of them didn't say,  "You got a purty mouth boy."    As soon as we got the directions,  I said to the Weekend at Bernie's driver...."Let's get the hell outta here."

I had heard so much about this ICP Gathering festival...and that the route was clearly marked as to how to get to the Gathering grounds.  Clearly marked?   I think the Donner Party trail was better marked.  I never saw one sign, not one but I heard later that the Juggalos pull these signs up...after the fans get in so that fans can't find their way out. 

From the time we left Evansville to the time we actually found the site was over a 4 hour trip.  4 hours to cover 80 miles...that's not moving too fast.    But finally...we saw a bunch of police lights...some of them blue..some of them red adn they were all flashing as we pulled up in the limo.   The cops had about three or 4 cars pulled over and were giving the field sobriety tests to the drivers.   Most of the people they had pulled over wore all the Insane Clown Posse makeup.  

One cop had a young fat girl...about 24/25 years old going through the paces of determining whether she was drunk or under the influence.  I'm not an expert but it didn't take a forensic scientist to figure out that this girl was stone cold hammered.  The girl was stone cold hammered and almost fell down when she took the first step.  She was dressed in a halter top....and all she had on down below was a pair or red panties.  No shorts,  no shoes, nothing but panties.  She went to jail.

WHATS YOUR NAME AND WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?  

As we stopped,  one of the cops wanted to know who we were and what was our business here?  We told him that we were going to wrestle at the Gathering...and it was almost like we had told him we were his long lost brother.  He smiled and looked into the back of the limo and said,  "Well who do we have back there?" 

I spoke up first and said 'Dirty Dutch' and the cop said..."damn, Dirty Dutch, how the hell are you?"  

Then Road Dog said his name and then Doug Gilbert..and he knew all of us.   Funny thing about being a wrestler,  it sometimes works highly in your favor.   He then told us we were about 10 minutes away from the front entrance to the festival and to be careful.  He said they had already had a little trouble...a singer had been attacked on stage he said.  I found out later,  the cop was talking about Tila Tequila and the Juggalos were in rare form.    He told us to be careful because they (the police) couldn't come onto the property unless there was a death.   If I wasn't scared enough, talking to this cop damn sure didn't relieve any of my stress.   He also told us that they had arrested a couple hundred people.   Oh and BTW he said,  they had just gotten a report of a stabbing.  

WTF?  OK...now I thought that this was one BullShit show I had booked myself onto.  Here I am, out here in this GodDamn God Forsaken Hell Pit of the World..with a bunch of f'n loony tunes not to mention psychotics not to mention dangerous psychotics in the middle of the night with no telling how much they've been drinking or doing drugs.  But here I was...and if I could,  I would have had Scotty beam me up...and take me out of this situation I was in.  I didn't feel scared but I damn sure didn't feel safe.   But I was in too deep now to even think about turning around.  Damn, where was I to go?   It was dark,  I was lost,  none of us had any idea where we were and it was close to 1AM in the middle of f'n nowhere.   Could it get any worse I thought?  Maybe I shouldn't have thought that...it could get worse.

We drove a little more but we still didn't see anything.  I could not believe that a music festival like this could be so hard to find.  The paved road then turned into a gravel road...as we finally got close enough to see where the GATHERING fans were camped out.    It was very dark but on both sides of the dirt road,  all I could see were hundreds of tents..rows and rows of tents one right after the other. Suddenly,  I wished I was in the tent business because whomever had this contract damn sure wrapped up.   There were literally hundreds and hundreds of little tents but where were the people?   Some of the tents had clothes hanging out to dry,  and small campfires left unattended.  People were around...but we weren't seeing them.  Past these tents, there were parking lots jammed packed with cars and trucks and you could see feet poking out the through the windows.  I guess those were the ones who couldn't afford the tents. 

We drove for several more minutes through this tent city...and I've never seen more tents erected in my life.   Then we started seeing a few faces...but they were all painted white in the fashion of their heroes, ICP.   As we rolled past,  it was very eerie as we watched those white faces all watching us and in dead silence.   All they did was stare at the limo as it slowly rolled past.

There was no moonlight so the only light we could see were a few temporarily erected streetlights every couple hundred feet or so.  Not only did it look surreal,  it felt surreal too.  There was no noise at all.   I even rolled down my window but heard nothing but the sound of tires crunching on the gravel road.   After hearing so much about these crazed Juggaloes,  I halfway expected to see them chasing each other with chain saws and long butcher knives.  

This place was packed to the hilt.  We finally saw the light of a HUGE bonfire off a couple hundred feet to the right.  Activity was starting to pick up and then,  we came right up on a car that was partially blocking our path.   Some guy was standing outside the car in  semi-darkness and  talking in Arabic it seemed into a cell phone.  I don't speak Arabic but it didn't sound like he was ordering a pizza from Papa Johns.  He was excited and was talking very fast.   I don't know how he even had a signal but he was talking to someone.  We motioned him over to ask him if we were going the right way and he told us that he was a cab driver and  had just dropped somebody off and as he was leaving,  he was accosted and had just been robbed at gunpoint!!!

F**K!!!  WTF?  Yeah, this day had been one of the most interesting of my life up to his point...but I don't know whether I was at a music/wrestling show or watching a rerun of Law and Order but what lay ahead scared the crap out of me.  I still had to enter the gates of THE GATHERING and what lay ahead I had no idea but we already had reports of a singer attacked by the crowd,  a stabbing and now,  a strong arm robbery.   But nobody said this was a church outing or a Boy Scout Jamboree.  This was pure JuggaloVille and the night was just beginning.   I still had a match to get to and I had no idea how that would turn out.   One thing though....I had come a long way from Madison Square Garden and the Memphis Mid South Coliseum to a wild and crazy  underground music festival in Cave In Rock, Illinois but to tell the truth,  this was a helluva lot more exciting.    I'll give it to the Juggalos..they damn sure ain't boring.   As I looked at what was in front of me,  a wild scene straight out of Halloween,  Texas Chain Saw Massacre and Friday the 13th,  I knew that this night wasn't over and I still had to make it til daylight.  The surprises weren't over yet.    

TO BE CONTINUED...

Part 3 you'll hear about FLASHLIGHT WRESTLING,  A 7' FOOT FEMALE WRESTLER AND HEAR ALL ABOUT THE DOPE BRIDGE AND HOW IT FELT GOING TO THE RING AT 4AM IN THE MORNING.    

Stay tuned.

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